


The Great Burnie Take Over

by Brit_In_Space



Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter/Funhaus RPF
Genre: Anime! Burnie, Basically ALL THE BURNIE, Crack, Dateline! Burnie, Drunk! Burnie, Fulcrum! Burnie, Girl! Burnie, HorsePuncher! Burnie, Nightclub! Burnie, Pure Crack Fiction, RTAA, Statue! Burnie, alter ego, split personality
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-01
Updated: 2016-06-01
Packaged: 2018-07-11 16:31:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,256
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7060477
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Brit_In_Space/pseuds/Brit_In_Space
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>{Based off RTAA #50}<br/>To say that today was an odd day for Burnie would be an understatement…a grave understatement. How the hell would he explain to Matt that stage 5 was overrun by hims? How would he explain that to anyone?!</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Great Burnie Take Over

“Going live in three minutes!” Came the usual yell from the control room as everybody settled down on set for this week’s Rooster Teeth podcast. Burnie sat in the usual seat, laptop beside him as he scrolled one last time through his twitter feed before the cameras ran for convocation topics. Gus was quick to put in his earpiece and take his place on the one minute mark, Barbara arriving in not too long after, and of course- Gavin ran in halfway through the podcast intro and practically threw himself onto the sofa.

About an hour in almost everyone on set had picked up on the odd banging that had started from the back of the set, it had cut Gus off mid talk countless times and he definitely looked pissed. He’d already yelled for someone to go check what the hell was going on back there and much to the sinking feeling in Burnie’s gut, Brandon had yet to return.

“What would you do if you caught people banging at work?” Gavin asked absentmindedly as everyone immediately fell silent to stare at the Brit.

“Is it hot?” Gus asked back as a grin split Gavin’s face but before he could reply harsher banging broke the group. “Seriously!” Gus yelled as his eyes widened.

“Should we cut the stream?” Barbara spoke up as she took a glance at the monitors in front of her, Burnie just sighed and shook his head.

“I don’t know but I just remembered this really stupid thing Gavin said last we-” Just as quickly as things hand settled back down again, it erupted into chaos not long later as the door to the set was flung open.

“What’s up, bitches?!” A slurred yell burst across the room. Burnie leapt from his chair with wide eyes as Gavin instantly burst into a fit of laughter, the older man pointed towards the intruder and practically screamed.

“Drunk Burnie! How did you get in here?!” Gus was already telling the control panel to cut the feed as he was grabbed by the arm, at first he thought it was Barbara but as he looked towards the person his face paled drastically. 

“F-Found your keys.” Drunk Burnie snickered as he flung the chain onto the floor and picked up a discarded beer bottle, smashing the bottom of it as he stumbled up to the set. “And now you’re gonna die.” Girl Burnie giggled at Gus as she pulled him up from his chair. Barbara and Gavin had already cleared the hell out, running for the emergency exit much like the other crew members trying to get out.

“You’re so funny, Gus!” Girl Burnie laughed as she hugged his arm tightly, despite the man’s struggles she didn’t appear to be letting go any time soon. There as a faint cry from Burnie and his drunk self jumped towards him, tackling him to the floor. “Teehee. Don’t be shy, just click the ‘accept invite’ button and we can chat all night long.” Girl Burnie clung to Gus tighter as the man’s jaw clenched in annoyance.

“Burnie! Your alter egos are attacking.” He yelled as the other punched drunk Burnie in the face.

“Oh gee! How could I not have noticed?!” Burnie spat back sarcastically as there was a sudden crash of broken glass that set both men into a panic as another ‘Burnie’ rolled into the set, glass sticking out from his suit.

“The horse puncher!” Burnie did a double take as the other briskly stood up and dusted himself off. “What the fuck?!”

“Fear not citizens,” His voice was gravely and deep as he held up a decapitated my little pony head from in front of him. Burnie knew he had to get out of here as a heavy weight suddenly fell onto him. Drunk Burnie had fallen asleep mid-fight. “I’ve defeated this strange horse. It was attacking another employee.” Burnie distinctly heard Michael yell curses towards the horse puncher as he looked towards Gus for some kind of help.

“What the fuck is going on?!” Gus finally yelled as Burnie shoved his other self off of him and staggered to his feet.

“I don’t know, but I’m getting the fuck out of here!” Burnie ran towards the exit as he swung into the wide open kitchen, leaving Gus to cry out against girl Burnie. As he rounded the corner the sight of ginger hair caused his stomach to grow sick. 

“Um..so-er this is like a break room and everything…but um, I don’t see you with anyone so…” Burnie looked on as night club Burnie tried to talk pathetically to a clearly pissed off Lindsay.

“Oh come on. He’s here too?” The original Burnie groaned as the red haired woman rolled her eyes at him and huffed.

“Yeah!” She yelled. Flinging her armed into the air as she did. “And he will not stop asking me to dance with him.” That was it, this was way too fucking weird for Tuesday afternoon.

“Alright, this is way too fucking we- who is that?!” Burnie yelled as his eyes landed on yet another version of himself, but one he had no idea existed. He definitely would have remembered ‘huge ass moustache’ Burnie or something. As if the other could read his mind- which even in this fucked up situation was still relatively plausible yelled out.

“I am the Fulcrum!” He yelled, holding his fists up into the air above him. “I am the missing piece of th-” A hand was roughly shoved into the Fulcrum’s face as Michael dropped two cups of fresh coffee onto the floor, a stain Burnie was sure was never going to come out any time soon.

“Hey, Gingey.” Michael strode up to night club Burnie. “Get the fuck away from my girlfriend!” The original Burnie could already sense the impending fight about to break out, not like Michael was renounced for his temper or anything. Soon enough fists were thrown and as Burnie tried to step in to break them both up he paled at yet another Burnie who locked eyes with him for a split second.

“THAT’S MY UNCLE!” Light emitted from anime Burnie’s hands as the normal Burnie grabbed onto Lindsay.

“Oh god no!” Burnie yelled, but it was too late. A bright white engulfed his vision and as his senses slowly returned to him he was definitely in the stage 5 car park, covered in rubble. Burnie internally groaned as Dateline Burnie was quick to his side. He struggled to roll over as his other self continued to blather on. 

“Or will he meet a cruel fate worse than death?!” The other cried rhetorically as the founding father rose to his feet and scowled deeply towards the other.

“Shut the fuck up, Dateline Burnie.” He muttered as the other paused, clearly hurt by his language. ‘Yeah, like you have it rough.’ Burnie thought bitterly. ‘Not being real and shit.’ “You know what? Enough of this! I’m going home.” Burnie spoke as he made his way toward his surprisingly unharmed car. “Going to eat a- sandwich…or something.” He ended as he leant on his car door. His body grew numb with either anger or madness as he felt to look for his keys, they weren’t there.

“Fucking drunk ass Burnie.” He seethed as he stomped back into the wrecked building, ignoring Chris who was in deep convocation with fucking statue Burnie and promptly flipping off the Achievement Hunters who were having laughing fits as he passed their office.


End file.
